No Mud No Lotus.

By Darrien Minnie Fertility Coach

Boom! It was so clear to me! I was sitting in a circle in my yoga teacher training. We had to come up with a guided meditation nearly on the spot! Earlier that day I was looking at a book on a completely filled book shelf. It was a small, narrow paperback, it would have been so easy to miss. But something wanted me to hold that book in my hands. My hand was drawn to it and the cover ‘No Mud No Lotus’ The lotus flower something so delicate yet so strong, has been my favourite flower for so long. In fact my wedding bouquet was filled with beautiful blooms from our wedding in Thailand earlier that year. And I had been saying those words in my head for months I didn’t know it was a book and I didn’t see the universal breadcrumbs until now.

I was about 4 months after my first miscarriage. I was learning what self care was and I was learning how to incorporate it into my life. Insert yoga teacher training. Now I know that self care is more daily smaller tasks for our well being, not always elaborate yoga retreats or spa days. But if you met me I am a dive in kinda gal... well sometimes. I gained many lessons during my yoga teacher training which I can share another time. This lotus one is one of my greatest insights.

I was learning that even in my dark times after my miscarriage that it’s ok to be where I am. I am growing. I am healing. A few months prior I was so confused about my miscarriage, I replayed it over and over what would I have done differently, is it ok to be sad, I pushed down a lot of my sadness because I didn’t know how to deal. It was not opening talked about so I thought I needed to smile and press on. But like pushing down a beach ball underwater it only bounced back out of the water. My body was having a hard time. Hair was falling out, I wasn't sleeping, my face had large painful breaks outs and I didn’t get my cycle back for months. And I had no idea why and I had no idea this was my body begging for help. No one talked to me about any of this. My physical self was crashing and my mental wellness was crashing too. As a newlywed I felt like a failure I was undeserving of being with my husband. I didn’t stay pregnant. And without realizing it my anxiety increased and I became depressed.

I had some people I was comfortable talking to and I also spoke to a counsellor. She asked me a question that changed my life. ‘What do you do for self care!’

“Nothing…."

Fast forward a few chapters and I was sitting in a circle with 13 other people diving deep into spiritual growth and awakening.

I was a little seed. It’s ok to feel lonely, scared, and in the dark. For in my core, in the centre of my seed was hope and there was light. Little by little that light and spark would grant me the courage to leave this dark space and see where I can grow. I need this darkness, I needed this pain and as devastating as it is I needed this loss of pregnancy and my fertility journey, I needed this thick mud to grow. To grow into the flower to share my truth, my love and my light to others in the trying to conceive community.

I used this inspiration to give my guided meditation a whirl. The imagery of a lush pond full of life and creativity rushed in my head and out through my spoken word.

I realized that with love, light and nurturing ourself we can overcome adversity. Sometimes it is a sign we need, it can be fuel to motivate us to be present and get up and move forward. We can grow from rock bottom and look around and see how far we have come! Though, this was just in the early stages of my fertility journey I kept this lesson close to my heart and that first meditation sparked so much for me and my offerings to the fertility community. The lotus stayed with me as I continued my yoga training for yoga for fertility, through my fertility journey and 2 more miscarriages and through my high risk pregnancy and the birth and postpartum now. I have grown to become resilient.

Remember you are a seed and you can grow through the thick mud that is the fertility journey. You can blossom and shine.

Listen to my No Mud No Lotus Guided Meditation below!

*If sharing this meditation please reference me please*

*Do not participate in meditation if you are driving or operating any machinery. This meditation is meant for when you are sitting in silence and are safe in your own environment.

*This meditation is designed for you to be laying down comfortably.

****Allow your body to soften and relax. Close your eyes, quiet the mind.

Focus on your inhale and exhale.

Notice your body, notice the depth of the breathe.

Each exhalation dropping your shoulders and feeling your muscles soften. Each breath in welcomes love and light inward and each breath out delivers love and light out into a world

I invite you to imagine you are walking in a forest. Enjoying how the Earth feels under your feet. You are walking with no direction allowing yourself to become lost…. You stumble upon a serene pond. As you stand to the waters edge you begin to transform your shape and body into a cute little frog. You hop into the water and begin to swim… It is cool but refreshing…. you begin to dive under the water and swim to the bottom of the pond. You witness the bottom of the pond’s thick muddy layer. You see a seed buried into the earth. As you get closer you begin to transform into that seed. It is dark and cold and you are hugging yourself tightly. But being filled with an inner light and love a change occurs… I invite you to slowly awaken your toes and fingers wiggling them gently and feeling the small movement into your limbs and body. AS a seed you are beginning to grow. As you break free of the seed casing and slowly move through the water. Filled with light and love you grow through the deepest and thickest of obstacles. You surpass the mud and the water. Growing taller and taller. You can physically reach your arms over your head stretching/ growing…. You begin to draw closer to the surface. You now can turn your present body to your side. When you are ready you can lift your self up slowly pushing with your top arm. Eyes close you break the surface into the air. Coming into Seated position.

Bringing your hands in front of your heart, touching the thumbs and pinky fingers together. Spread the rest of the fingers out like the strong lotus flower. Lotus Mudra.

Visualize your lotus Blooming into a beautiful lotus on the top of the pond.

I am Strong. I am Resilient. I am a Lotus.

You can begin to float open your eyes.

Namaste

Love + Light

Darrien Minnie

THIS BLOG POST WAS FEATURED IN FERTILITY MATTERS CANADA